So, you know how celebrities have these “day in the life” videos? The ones where they wake up at 4 a.m., do yoga on a mountaintop, drink green juice that probably tastes like lawn clippings, and then, like, conquer the world before lunch? Yeah, I thought I’d try that. For a week.
I picked Dwayne “The Rock” Johnson. I mean, who doesn’t want to be The Rock? His routine involves: 4:00 a.m. Rise, cardio on an empty stomach, followed by an insane breakfast (steak, eggs, oatmeal…), then a multi-hour workout, promoting his various businesses, and spending quality time with his family. Daily.
Day 1
The 4:00 a.m. rise was brutal. I’m mostly grateful for the invention of coffee and the fact that my alarm didn’t shatter my eardrums. The cardio… I opted for a brisk walk around my neighborhood instead of the gym. I did try to make his breakfast. Let’s just say my kitchen looked like a crime scene involving a cow and a chicken. And oatmeal.
Day 2
The workout. Oh boy. I attempted his “Iron Paradise” workout (found online). I nearly threw out my back lifting weights a fraction of what he uses. My “personal trainer to the stars” on YouTube was yelling at me, and I’m pretty sure my neighbors thought I was dying. I spent the rest of the day icing various body parts.
Day 3
I tried to “build my brand,” like The Rock does. I posted a picture of my cat on Instagram with an inspirational quote. It got three likes (two were from my mom). I also tried to learn to play the ukulele (he plays!), which resulted in my cat fleeing the apartment.
Day 4
Breakfast was slightly less disastrous. I managed to cook the steak without setting off the smoke alarm. The workout, however, was another story. I attempted his “leg day.” I couldn’t walk properly for two days. I also tried to do his “cheat meal” (several pizzas and cookies), but my stomach staged a revolt.
Day 5
Skipped the workout. I was too exhausted, too sore, and frankly, too terrified of the YouTube trainer. I spent the day catching up on sleep and watching his movies. I felt like a failure, but also… weirdly liberated.
Day 6 and 7
I gave up. I went back to my regular life: waking up at a reasonable hour, drinking coffee, going to my (much less glamorous) job, and enjoying pizza (in normal quantities).
The moral of the story? Celebrity routines are insane. They’re designed for people who are genetically gifted and have a team of people to help them function. My life didn’t “fall apart” in a dramatic, viral-video kind of way. It just… became a hilarious, protein-fueled disaster. And I learned a valuable lesson: I’m much happier being me, with my slightly less-than-perfect, but definitely more manageable, life. Also, I now have a deep and abiding respect for anyone who can eat that much steak for breakfast and still be a functioning human being. LMAO
